But...

I don't understand.... It's stupid, it's irrational... but it's hard.

I used to always be the fun one. I could drop EVERYTHING and be whatever they needed or wanted. We had so much fun it was crazy. I could be there any day of the week and I could pull one of them onto the couch during the night and let them sleep with me. I knew every new thing they could do or were discovering an interest for... I saw all their newest toys, I even was entrusted some pretty crazy secrets. 

But...

I can't be that right now.
I know they don't understand why, I mean, I don't even understand why sometimes.

All I know is I can't. Life doesn't permit it right now. I have to many things I have to be there for right here at home... I have to many things I must do.

I don't want them to think I don't care or want to be there with them, but I know they don't understand. 

I don't want them to look back and not remember me being a big part of their childhood, but I don't know how to change anything right now... 

I miss it. And now you're it. Along with everyone else that gets to be that for them.