Mockery

Part 3
Why was this happening? HOW was this happening? My name was Willow... and I only knew of the death of two of the people closest to me. No matter how I tried I could not bring any other parts of my life to my mind. Was I married? Did I have children? The thought of having a beautiful child and it being alone scared me. I could have a dog, I could be failing college classes, and my husband could be scared sick looking for me! But, I wouldn't even know... 

I had been staring at these walls for hours... They alone knew my troubles, I thought. I just knew I was utterly alone in all of this. I had no hope and these walls were my only allies. My only listening ears. That was when I began to cry. Not a loud wailing, but a soft cry like an over tired child. The cold cement accepted my salty tears and the walls offered soft echo of my aching. 

That was when I heard my name. 
"Willow..."
It was barely audible. But a whisper nonetheless. 
"...You're disgusting. Murderer."
My cries hung in my throat and I nearly choked. I didn't understand! Where were these voices coming from?
"I know what you do every night when you think no one is looking."
Memories came back. Shameful things I wished I didn't have to recall. 
"Remember the night you turned your back on your broken friend because you were busy? Did you know that was the last string for her?" 
The voices grew louder and angrier. They were coming at me at all sides and I had nothing to respond with. They were all true.
"You're a selfish, liar that thinks she's better than everyone else. You're an adulterer, a MURDERER, thief, and you're two faced."
The condemnation hit home. These were things I had always known and feared others would know too. 
"You blame your mother for your father's death and hold that against her everyday, even when she needs help cleaning her house because she's too sick to do it."
The truths being cast my way broke me down and forced me to my knees. Tears rolling down my cheeks I embraced the disgusting person I was... Although I didn't remember all of my life, I remembered enough. 
"Do you remember finding that wallet with a hundred dollars in it? You thought no one would ever know you found it and didn't return it... That man was homeless and someone had given him that money as a gift. You took that from him."
Slowly the memories came back and I merely wanted to live the rest of my life in such a way that I wouldn't be the gross, selfish, UGLY, dirty person I had been... but even if I did that, I knew there would be no way to make up for what I had done already...
"You never have loved anyone the way you should, you have only pretended to in order to get what they had to offer. You're not even fit to be called friend."

My hands covered my ears as I rocked back and forth. The condemnation I was faced with was too much. I was a terrible person... and there was no undoing what I had done. No forgiveness. And the cement no longer accepted my tears...