I Doubt Anyone Would Hear

Can I say I feel like screaming?

My head has been pounding for days... And today it went beyond the normal head ache. Every little thing I need to do is so much harder because I can't seem to concentrate past the pain. Then today, life caught up with me. Tears poured out that couldn't be stopped. The pounding got worse. I can't focus, I can barely even type... I don't know what to do with myself. Food is just gross... Even if it tasted good I wouldn't have the energy to go fix some. 

I feel so lonely and yet smothered at the same time. I don't want to be alone, and yet when I'm around people I just can't take it. I retreat back to my room... I stop texting... I've been reading my Bible... but I cry too much to read, my head pounds to hard to open my eyes. I pray and it makes me feel better but I still don't want to be alone right now. I don't understand... I'm restless and exhausted. I have so many questions surging through my brain and so many things I wish I could fix. 

But right now...

I don't understand. 

I don't want to be alone, but I can't handle the complicatedness of words. I want someone to hold me and me not have to worry about something to say... But no one is around. 

God, I'll keep calling on you... But I don't know what to say to You. 

I can't do this anymore today. I feel like I lost it already and now I'm just looking for myself. But the pounding is louder than any words and everyone else already fled so far out of reach that they couldn't imagine hearing.